Wednesday, September 19, 2007
I have been trying so hard not to think about you anymore. But since this last burst of mental torture, that being you creeping into my thoughts, it has been way harder not too. So i kept my email response to you short for that reason. I have so much i want to tell you. But it never seems like my life, my things are as important to you as yours are to me. Maybe i am just reaading too much into it all. Maybe i am looking for something with you that doesnt exist. I dont know. I only wish i could just get over you an move on . It is really hard for me to let go when i feel a connection or a fit. Not very often you get this with anything,. especially people that you associate with. So i fight. I fight to keep it, i fight to never have to let it go. But now i feel totally beyond f rustrated. I just dont know what to do. or what to think about it all. I find myself stuck in the past . Constantly thinking about how much well we got along, how we just seem to know each other. I guess it is bc those times with you felt so amazing, comfortable, that it is hard for me to move on. Usually you replace old rusty with new and shiny. In reltaionships some people do that, i dont. So i have no replacement for us. And i think that is what makes it so difficult at times. I guess i just need to grow up. Finally lol. But too be honest i gues maybe i dnt want to. When i think about times together with you., i so love the way i felt and how we were that, a part of me doesnt want to forget. Depsite all this frustration and agony. Ugh. Why is it like this????