Thursday, April 24, 2008


it's been i think three weeks into this program. and i think i am still stuck at the six pounds i have already lost ugh. but i have started my workouts again so hoping that will break the plateu. seems odd to platue this early on hmm. jsut my luck though and to be honest i have had a few more weak moments . not doing so good with the weekends off plan either. thinking that will help to switch that and stay contiuously onthe program with maybe a treat once a week. ugh i am so pissed at myself for gaiing this wt back!!!! what an idiot.
but i will say this, i have realized why i eat the way i do. i am not happy in my life- not happy in my m. i had tried for over four yrs to get him to op en up to me, interested again in me!!! and with each rejection i ate. well here we are and he wants to try and fix things, but without going to counceling. lol. yeah hows is this going to work? i dont know . i am willling to try again but i tell you honesly i feel like it is over for me. and no i am not proud of that but when you try and try and get no one after a while you give up. then you have what we in the behavior world call and extinction burst- where the behavior pops back up agian in full force to try and get awareness- when it doesnt get rewarded it becomes extinct again. the love and the desire that i once felt for this man are extinct. bittersweet-

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