why does seem like this whole week i have done nothing but fight with everyone?? and i didnt even intend to do it! ugh. i dotn have pms either- i am really worried that i might be a bitch for real and not even know it!! i would ahte that. i strive every day to me kind and nice to all or at least i think i do. it is so frustrating!
for instance, i jsut heard one of my resident's tell their family that i was a freak with a bad temper!! i ahve never in my life been called either of those!! and i even go to therapy to learn how to me more assertive!! i was so stunned and hurt i coudlnt ignore it - i approached her and thanked her for calling me a freak. her repsonse- " you needed to hear that, your not vey nice and i am not afraind to tell you" WHAT?? oh that didnt feel good atall. considering the nights int he last 2 weeks i have been up with this oldie massaging the cramp in her hip brining her heat packs etc. and now i am mean? ugh. yeah i lost it.; i told her i dont want to ever hear her say that again and i didnt appreciate it all! i know she is older and we arent suppose to lose our cool or let them know they get to us- but i couldn take it. now i do feel like a bitch lol. but arent i human too? how long does one have to go ontaking the insults day after day and keep smiling like we dont care? hhmmi wonder